Moving Forward

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. -Proverb


We have the above quote posted on our refrigerator (the repository of favorite sayings and cartoons). For a long time I've harbored the misconception that it referred to the deeper side of life - the big issues like war and hunger and ending disease.

But I've come to understand that it is a perfect mantra for every action and goal, especially now while I am looking for work. At my age, I want a job that I can keep until I retire, not one like the last three that have downsized me to the street.

To make this happen I see now that I need vision, I need to create a plan of action that will put me in the right place, instead of flooding employers with my resume in hopes of landing the same type of job, in the same type of place, which would more than likely create the same result.

John Dryden said insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

So it's time to create a new vision before I take action, time to turn my daydream into a reality so I avoid another nightmare.

A life unexamined is a life not worth living. Where in my resume and history can I find room for expansion and improvement? These are the questions with which I wrestle in order to trample this new path.

My "vision without action" mantra has worked its way into my head and I know that my job-hunt is not the simple thing it was years ago when I could mail out resumes and wait for a phone call. Our unbrave new world has changed that. Looking for a job has become my job. It requires organization, tools, goals, plans, and strategy. I have to make schedules, financial plans and keep records. It's a family buiness with my husband as the other team member. He works with me to develop our vision for the future and keep our mission and values statements on track.

Despite all of these challenges, I am not fearful. I have good skills and I'm a fast and willing learner. Possibly my biggest obstacle is convincing someone else of that. But it will happen eventually. That's part of my vision.

Ramblings

I am not inspired to write today. My mind wanders, searching for that gem of truth that will spark a fire of wit to fill this block. Sigh.

Maybe I am bored. Or tired. I worry that you are not sufficiently interested in all of the things I want to tell you. I want to write about truth and tolerance and love, and in the writing perhaps make a difference in the world. Hah!

I wanted most of all today to write about vision, and somehow couldn't find any.

So if you are not a writer, you don't know what writer's block is like. If you are a writer, you know what I'm going through. It's painful and frustrating, and to lay it out in front of all of you is embarrassing, but I'm doing it to myself to work through it and move past it.

Forgive my meanderings and look for better stuff coming soon.

Forgiveness - a Hot Topic

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." -Buddha.
I watched Oprah yesterday. Yes, my unemployment has already reached that point, at least until it gets warmer outside. It was a horrific story of abuse I won't share, but there was a profound moment. Oprah spoke a definition of forgiveness she was given on a previous show.

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different."

I thought about this a lot overnight, and then Frank and I talked about it this morning at length. What an interesting way to describe what we have been trying to teach our grandchildren.

Most of us go through the world thinking that forgiveness is a two-way street. If I have been betrayed or wronged, then to forgive is to let the other person off the hook. Since we are flesh-and-blood human beings with egos, this is a nearly-impossible task for most of us, even when we realize that there is nothing we can do to punish the evildoer.

So we are doomed to let the resentment fester, pretending to the world and ourselves that we have reached some sort of peace, which is usually nothing more than an acceptance of our powerlessness over the situation. And only late at night, in the dark, we allow ourselves to play the "if-only" game, and then we put it away for the daytime.

So imagine how it would feel to truly drop the hot coal and let go of the anger. Give up the hope that the past could have been any different because the truth is this: You cannot change the past. Take a breath now and think about this: You cannot change the past. Give up the hope that the past could have been any different.

If you have done what you can to rectify the wrong, if you have done what you know is right, then what else can you do? It is no longer within your power to punish the other person. It is your choice whether to punish yourself.

The Buddha also said, "we are not punished for our anger, we are punished by our anger."

Forgiveness doesn't have to be about letting the other person off the hook. It's about setting yourself free. It's about not giving your power away. It's about not picking up the coal to begin with.

Choose for yourself. Forgive because you are worth it.

Change is Inevitable

"Some people change when they see the light, others when they feel the heat." -Carolyn Shoeder

Haven't you worked with both of these types? I would say there are a couple of more types - one who changes as needed, whether there is a light or a reason, and then there's people like me. I change things for fun, whether it's needed or not.

I've always had problems with those who resist change. The fatal words in any organization are "because we've always done it that way." It is not until these individuals or departments feel the heat of layoffs or falling profits that they realize change is inevitable. Even then you have to force it on them. Hopefully you can find creative ways to do this, such as convincing them it was their idea.

There is only one thing I can say for certain: everything will change eventually. Even those things you think are carved in stone. Nothing stays the same forever. I can remember my mother telling me many, many, many years ago that the only truth that is certain is that truth is always changing. That seems paradoxical, but the older I get the more true it is.

I hear you saying it - what about the old adage "the more things change, the more they stay the same?" That is a good question and it bears pondering in this treatise. My answer to it is this: Those things that seem to be the same need to change. My mind immediately goes to Washington, DC. We change administrations, we change politicians, we change the ruling party, we change policy, yet nothing seems to change.

Hello?

Obviously something needs to change. I have a few ideas; some of them actually wouldn't land me in jail. The first one would be for every registered voter to vote instead of allowing 1/3 of our citizens to make the decisions for the rest of us. Radical idea. That would be a real change.

Maybe someone else has thoughts on change/lack of change. I would love to hear them.

Fear of the Unknown

"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby."
-Ruth Renkal

In times of uncertainty, I examine my fears. I have few. I often think I am one of the most fearless people I know. The most obvious fear currently is being unemployed, and whether I will be able to find a new position.

This is a fear that hides in shadow - it's an unknown. I can't predict the future. So why dwell on it? The truth is I am doing everything within my power to find a new job. If what I am doing is not good enough after a reasonable period of time I will do more - expand the length of time I'm willing to drive to get to a new job, lower my standards for salary, even take yet more classes to put on my resume.

But dwell on the fear? That is a useless exercise. They say it is like sitting in a rocking chair - a lot of movement that takes you nowhere. Set the fear aside, it doesn't help.

There are irrational fears in my life. As I've gotten older I've developed a fear of heights. I don't let it stop me from doing things - I've climbed onto our roof to help with repairs. That doesn't compare to replacing windows on the Arcade roof 7 stories up when I was 21, but now it stops my heart. Back then it was just a job. I also have a lifelong fear of physical conflict, and I don't mean the perfectly reasonable fear of someone beating me, I mean if I hear people arguing, even in another room - my heart starts racing, my breathing is shallow - I'm heading for the door. Who can say what buried trauma sets this off? I don't want to unearth it, I just avoid those situations. My rational brain knows I'm safe, my reptilian brain sets me into flight.

Fortunately I don't have your typical girly-girl fears - I actually like spiders and snakes. They're the good guys in my house and yard, the ones that destroy the germ and disease carriers.

I used to fear public speaking, one of the most common fears people have. But I don't have that fear anymore. How did I overcome it? First, I tried it. Secondly, I realized that most people are so much more concerned with themselves than they are with me, that it doesn't matter what I do. It's the same with dancing. No matter what you think, people are not looking at you on that dance floor, unless you are a gold-medal winning dancer. Otherwise, you're just one of the crowd.

Probably the biggest fear in the Judeo-Christian world is the fear of death. Do I fear it? I have to honestly say I don't know. The clearest answer I give is that it doesn't matter. That is then and this is now. I hope it's not painful, but otherwise how can I possibly fear something that absolutely no one can tell me anything about? I can refer you to my opening quote, that a shadow simply  means there is a light shining nearby. However you perceive that light may be the peace that saves you from a fear of death. If you have read my previous blogs you know that I believe that light is Love - so when I die I know that I will be welcomed into the arms of universal Love.

So obviously I'm starting to ramble, but only because I find fear an interesting subject, one that can play too big a part in our lives. I think we can examine our fears and learn how to make peace with them.

Or remain ignorant and terrorize the world.

Winter Wonderland

Icicles hang from my spruces, the original Christmas decorations. Sun is shining here, teasing from inside the house, all looks beautiful. White fields of snow, impossible to look at in their searing brightness. My trees are encased in clear coats of ice, sparkling in the daylight, glowing in moonlight; I know I can't capture it on film but I'm tempted to try.

We drove to Killbuck today and saw trees overhanging the road, we wondered, is it safe? Do we dare to drive under them? Is this the moment they break? The forests look like they have been ravaged by tornadoes or war, broken trees helter-skelter. The snow is like a filter to cover the worst of it, make it seem not so bad. In spring it will look like hell.

And we feel so blessed in our life. We have had a sign on our kitchen cabinet since the ice storm of 2004 that says "This too shall pass." We smile at it. This will pass, spring will come and all will once again be green and warm. In July we will complain about the heat, forgetting the ice and snow and how we huddled under blankets through the ice storm and darkness of early February.

Life is good, and all the better for the balance.

Keep the home fires burning

This is the kind of day when one is glad to be unemployed. I went outside to deliver a message to my neighbor and found a world of ice. I stopped to get my boots from my car and had to chip a layer of ice off of it to open the door. It's a good day to be inside my home.

There seem to be more jobs available than I expected. I have applied for four within the past two days. Feast or famine? Eight days with nothing and then seven applications in six days.

I have expanded my options. I'm not so concerned with staying within my chosen field. After being downsized out of it three times, I have to wonder if it was a good choice. The truth is that it was a good choice in its time, but we live in a different time now. President Obama spoke directly to me in the State of the Union address when he described a time that people could walk into a factory or an office and fill out an application with no education, just experience and on-the-job training, and have a reasonable expectation of being hired. You could even expect to keep your job until you retired, if you chose. Most people actually did choose to stay in one place.

He is right, those days are gone. Despite the fact that I have a knowledge level commensurate with full-charge bookkeeping and even some accountants, I don't have the initials after my name, and in this new age that puts me at a disadvantage.

But I don't dwell on this, I have only analyzed it in interest and preparation. I have let go of the idea that my next job will be at a desk on weekdays with holidays off. I might be one of those people who puts books and cards in stores. Or I might be an inventory scanner. I'm practicing those magic words, "Welcome to Wal-mart, y'all need a buggy today?"